Eerily Beautiful

So while I was walking back from the shower this evening I had a moment of clarity and peace.  Its a strange feeling to have when you are in a war zone.  It was almost a nice spring night here, the wind was blowing through the trees of a name I do not know.  That was the only noise I heard aside from my footsteps.  When I realized I didn't hear any helicopters, trucks, people, birds etc.. and all I heard was that it was soothing, relaxing, peaceful.  Then my exact next thought was oh shit what was going to happen... luckily nothing did.  Sadly I couldn't just enjoy that moment, call it training, PTSD what ever you want to say.  Any time I have been in a situation where I had a moment of calm it was usually followed up by a few moments of sheer and utter chaos.  I then started thinking back on all the stuff I had been through in the military, while to some may not seem much, but to others is a world away.  Most people have no concept of what goes on here, they now there are bad guys and we fight them.  They know that troops do dumb things that get plastered all over the news.  They hear about or know people that have been killed over here, but no one really understands what it is like out here.  I am just a dirty contractor now, and yet I find myself longing to put that monkey suit on and go on a convoy out of the wire, to go do that hit on the house that we know is full of bad guy building IED's...  Sadly and to the joy of many back home I cannot.  I can't help it, I loved what I did, I just didn't like who was in charge.  They let me and my fellow soldiers down one to many times.  They continue to get worse too.  I occasionally talk to the soldiers out here.  Stuff they tell me they can and can't do now is sickening to here...  their hands are so tied in political bullshit that they can't even test fire their weapons.  To me that is unsatisfactory, someone in their chain of command has failed them.  To let them roll out of the wire with an unknown functional weapon to me is wrong.  So on that note I will let you all in on one story of mine.  I will change names but the story is true.

No shit there I was... (ok just wanted to start a story like that).  It was a night in Iraq like many others, 80 degrees and cold.  I was the truck commander for our little jaunt to the Regional Embassy Office in Al Hillah Iraq.  The trip its self was only about 20 min or so, but it was treated as any combat patrol should be.  I was going over the plan and personnel load out of the people on the convoy, and I noticed our cook *SSG TOM* was the .50 cal machine gunner on my truck which was the rear of the convoy.  Now for those of you who don't know SSG TOM he is not the brightest bulb in the bunch.  He was a cook, and not a very good one.  He had been our cook the whole deployment and had messed up just about every meal he had made yet for some strange reason we couldn't get rid of him.. but I digress.. Well SSG TOM had no experience as a gunner, and had been on limited convoys throughout the deployment.  He had been a driver all those other times.  I should say this was about a week before we were scheduled to go home, so a lot of guys were burnt out and not wanting to do the minuscule tasks.  So I go to the convoy commander and tell him that don't think its a good idea to put TOM on the gun.  He looks me dead in the eye and says "well he's gotta learn sometime"... Blew my mind.. a senior NCO and he says that?  I said back to him no he doesn't if he wants to learn take him to the range... but me being but a SSG and him being a SFC I wasn't going to win that battle.  He tells me not to worry because he gave him a 2 hour class prior to us leaving.  I still wasn't impressed.  So the convoy lines up to roll out, I hear the lock and load over the radio, I then hear TOM start loading the .50  only I could hear he wasn't getting the rounds to load right.  I ask him if he is ok.... no answer.  Then it sounded like he got it right, so I left it alone.  We get maybe 3 miles outside of the base and I hear him trying to load the gun again.  Pulling on the charging handle and I look up and his barrel is pointed directly at the trucks in front of us... I yell at him to find out what the hell he is doing.... no answer... by this point I am already mad and going to be having a talk with him about flagging the other vehicles... well get get to the REO and we are told to unload the weapons.  I hear him up there struggling with this... and then I hear him start beating on it. CLANK CLANK CLANK!!! Finally enough was enough.. I punch him in the leg so he has to answer me, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING UP THERE!!!!"  he pops down from the turret and starts stumbling over his words trying to come up with something.. I finally asked him to see the round that was "jamming" and when he handed it to me it was all sorts of fucked up.  The base of the round was dented beyond repair it was the front was bent as well... I am absolutely beyond mad at this point.  I get him out of the truck and just go off on him.... I asked him why he let me leave the compound with out a loaded weapon.. "because I didn't have a flashlight on me"  I have 4 on me right now why didn't you say something... "I dunno... sorry"... next question why did you flag the front two trucks while you were trying to reload what if you had accidentally shot them? "I dunno..."  And this went on for a couple minutes more and finally I had enough I was about to destroy this kids life... so I told him to get the fuck away from me...  I went to the SFC and told him what happened in a kind of " I told you so" manner.. because I did tell him so..  Luckily the guy we were picking up there knew how to work the gun.  So the ride back he was in my gun and SSG TOM got to ride with me... he tried to talk to me once and I told him to shut it.  We get back and I called him out.  Made him tell everyone what he had done, he started crying and honestly felt bad, but I was still so frustrated.  He tried a couple more times to come talk to me finally I had to tell him that I would come to him when I was calm enough for him to talk to me....  there is more to that story of what happened later to him, but I will leave it at that for now.   

Are we there yet?

Yeah so I am apparently ready to be going home.  Even though I don't really know when that is going to happen.  There are two different time frames, end of March or end of April take off from here.  I am fine with either I just need to know so I can plan accordingly.  I have a lot of stuff to do... so tonight I finished working and decided that now would be a good time to start getting ready to leave.  I re organized my huge box with all the stuff that I A. haven't used in 5 months or B. don't see my self using in the next couple months.  Keeping the essentials out clothes and computer, but just like last time my collection of stuff has grown.  I may or may not have done some internet shopping buying some new threads and such.  Granted I think I look pretty darn good, but I was already strapped for room on the way in here... That's another thing.  I will have room in my bags if I don't have to pack my body armor in my bag... if we ship it there won't be an issue.  That took a bag on its own practically.  Who knows.  I am looking forward to getting back though.  Granted I am not sure quite what I will be doing just as of yet.  I have to make some pretty big choices coming up.  I have applied to a couple jobs, and awaiting a confirmation from them.  I have to step up my training for the Triathlon, as in get my sinking ass in a pool.  I mean I like the pool... but I have never done competitive swimming before, so there will be a decent learning curve there.  I like the bike, never ridden one 50+ miles before.  The only thing I have done before is run 13 miles.  It wasn't for competition, and I don't remember it being easy.  Oh well.  Plus there are new people to meet and old people to visit, all of which I am pretty excited about.  So we will see how my life turns out in the next six months.. I am sure that the madness will ensue, but it will all be worth it in the long run.  I am ready to be back home and hopefully find a job that will let me settle down a little and not be gone all the time.  I came to the realization that I have been gone at some point in a different country every year for the last 5 years.  I did the math and of the last 60 months I have been home for 31 of them... that's not a very good average.  So here's to new adventures!

Work? Really?

Well this is more of a vent than a post...
We had a little rough landing today.... and some of you may be saying wait didn't I just read about that? Why yes my readers you did... well it happened again.  Not as bad this time and I had nothing to do with it so that was good.  There was however a conference call with the guys back home and as the call was drawing to a close my flight lead back home tells us that pretty much no matter what I am not allowed to take manual control of the aircraft.... well lest see here when I got here my job was a lot harder. So I will give you a list of things.

• Talk to the military to coordinate missions and brief capabilities of the platform- this was taken away from me almost immediately by our Liaison.  
• I did continue to talk to the military and was again told to knock it off this time by my boss 
• Call into the conference calls 3 times a week to give the people back home a status update on equipment, missions, etc....- this was taken away about a month ago.  I apparently was giving too much information... didn't realize that was a bad thing.  This task was passed on to another flight team member
• Manually control/trim the aircraft during test flights to ensure the plane flies straight while under manual control... also take control during emergency procedures - taken away tonight.... apparently I am not allowed to do my job anymore.

These are the main things that have run up against a brick wall on.  I have apparently worked myself out of a job at this point.  Its just frustrating because I took this job mostly as a favor to a friend, and as a way to make some savings back into my account.  Well 3rd times a charm, I am going to finish my time out here and that will be all she wrote on this project.  I am tired of the BS, there have to be companies that run a better business than where I am at.  So yeah... I suppose I need to email my boss and find out exactly what it is I am allowed to do.  I mean I might not even be allowed to look at the aircraft sooner than later.  Whatever.  Guess its time for bed.  Good night 

Another one bites the dust!

So yeah... I may or may not have had another plane eat the dirt...   There were extenuating circumstances that led up to this happening and some of those were new things that I had not run across before.  One of those being that when you trim an aircraft to make it fly level when you take another aircraft on that same box the trim is all messed up... I found this out when I had to take the plane today on landing.  It was coming in straight for landing, and it was quite high... so I told the pilot to kill the engine.  As I was going to land it manually.  Well as soon as I took it the plane did a crazy turn and dive due to the fact that I trimmed it for the other plane.... and well we almost lost the plane outside the wire.  It was good but bad all at the same time.  I don't know.. I had never run into that issue before and I need to figure out how to alleviate that problem in the future.
On another note I have been looking at other jobs.  I may need one after today... kidding, but seriously.  I have found a good potential job in Oregon, I would like that because I would be closer to home and not in the desert anymore.  I am awaiting word from them.  I may be home sooner than later.  I was originally supposed to be home at the end of April early May time frame.  Now it might be sooner than that due to a lack of funds.  The contract to my knowledge has not been renewed so therefore we will need to pack up and send all the stuff home starting in the next couple of weeks.  I guess its a good thing that I haven't purchased anything else online lately.  Although I can't say I am surprised at any of this, but it still sucks.  I did manage to get everything but the truck paid off though so that is good.  I will be able to pay off a decent chunk of it though and I need to make sure I set aside enough to fix whatever problems I may run into with it when I get home.

I am also going to be doing a Triathlon in September when I get home.  So that will be something new that I have never done before.  I think the biggest challenge will be the swimming portion... I am not the strongest swimmer and I will have to find a decent pool/lake when I get home to train in.  Although if I get the job I am looking at I will have the ocean right there to work in.  Well I think that is all I have on my mind at the moment.  So Happy Valentines Day and Peace I'm outta here.

Triathawhat!!!!??? Triathlon...

Holy crap... so no shit there I was.... minding my own business, talking to my sister.  I get a message alert on Facebook.  I check it and its from Brenda Day, the Sergeant Major's sister.  She asked if I would do a triathlon with her in September, and as I was telling my sister about this she pretty much jumps to volunteer.  I didn't expect that at all, she was in a pretty bad wreck last year and for her to volunteer to do this athletic feat or even attempt it is awesome.. I hope that her physical therapist can give her some good exercises so she can get in shape for this.  I am already proud that she wants to do it and if she can get to the finish line I will be probably the proudest big brother ever.  I am starting to train.. I ran twice today and rode a bike.. I am nowhere near where I need to be, but I do have like 8 months to get ready for it.  But I won't have access to water til May time frame. So I will be a little behind in that area.  I am looking forward to trying this event though.

Running....

Yeah so I have decided that I am tired of being out of shape... so to fix this I have started running... again.  I used to be a great runner.. could go for miles and miles... now? well now I can go some miles but not miles and miles.  I managed to do about 2.5 in 15 min... I am sort of ok with that time... I made it almost the whole way at one solid pace.  I slowed down once to tie my shoe and another to well just slow down.  On a completely different note I am soooo out of shape... oh wait that's the same note.  But seriously wow...  I am very disappointed in myself.  I am doing better than I did last year though I did a whole lap around the base which is one more lap than I did then.  I have decided no more excuses and to just bear down and do it.  I need to lose about 35lbs... and I will be doing a lot better.  oh well.. I guess I have criticized myself enough.  On a completely different topic. I don't think any amount of coffee could have gotten me ready for the shit show today.  We launched one aircraft fairly flawlessly, and then started getting the second one ready for a test flight.  We were up on the launcher and I went to start the engine and the propeller just unscrewed and fell off. Problem one... then we went and got another prop lug and put it on.. started the engine no issues.. then we let it run and the engine wouldn't warm up.. problem two... I decided to launch it anyway... problem 3... then after the launch the cold engine didn't warm up and then the heads up display was showing red lights where there should be green lights.. problem 4.  So I decided that we needed to land, and land now.. I tell the pilot to bring it down ASAP and he sends it to the landing plan.  Just as an Apache decided to cross our path against the wishes of myself and the air traffic controller... that would have been a really really bad day.... so we get lined up and land.. landing looked great... came in nice and straight.... and then it veered to the right... and started to go off the runway, which normally is no biggie.   Today however the guys next to us decided to pound some re bar right into the side of the runway which was kind enough to rip the wing right off of our plane... problem.. well I lost count, but bad day to say the least.  So on that note... I am going to go shower.. I stink.. and probably go eat some fatty snacks. lol  So have fun and farewell.

Nostalgic

Well I haven't written in a little while, thought I would throw a few lines in here.  I guess I will explain the title of this one.  Its about 630pm and I saw a box of hot cocoa and thought wow its been forever since I have had that.  I heated the water and put in the cocoa.  I took a sip and it took me right back to my parents house when I was a kid and I would have buttered toast and hot cocoa for breakfast, it made me really home sick.  I think that I am getting burnt out being out here.  I have been deployed almost once a year for since 2007... I mean I love travelling, but this is getting old.  I guess I am really wanting to see new places but unfortunately that isn't where the money is.  I have been paying all kinds of stuff of out here which is fantastic.  The only thing I have left to pay off is the truck. Which I could technically do in the next month but then I would have no real money saved up by the time I get back in May... I have been offered to stay til September, which would let me save up a lot and have it all paid off... but if I do that I would want to stay til I have been here more than 330 days.  Because the tax free would be pretty nice.  After a quick look to the Googles it appears that I would need to be gone til Oct 4th.  So I need to ask my boss what the options are in order to do that if I decide to do that.

On another note it is supposed to snow tomorrow.  I am not sure that its going to actually snow, but I kind of hope it does.  I have been watching all the Facebook posts about the snow storms all over the country back home and makes me miss home too.  I am sad that my truck is in storage, because even if I pay it off I am probably going to have fix a lot of stuff when I get back... The tires will probably be flat, the damn thing probably won't start.  I have to get some warning lights checked out blah blah blah.... Oh well.  I have been sending out the resume again... Seems like I have been doing that quite a few times over the past few years... Well I don't think I have much else to write at the moment so I will leave you with that for now.

New Year?

Well here it is 2012.  The end of the world as we know it.  I have 2 months down 4 to go out here.  I guess I need to figure out my next move.  Do I stay with this company?  Do I move on to look for something new?  There are definitely things here that I don't particularly enjoy or agree with.  Unfortunately those won't change.  No matter how much I try to change them.  However the potential for future stuff is there, maybe not with this system but definitely with future programs.  I really don't think I want to move to Tucson though.  I am a true north westerner.  I enjoy the rain, the green and the mild weather.  I have spent enough time in dry desolate places.  I guess I will keep updating the resume to help me in further ventures.  Other than that I don't have much to say.  So Happy New Years and may we all make the best of it.

Sick.... Tired... Slightly Irritated.

So here I sit in wonderful Afghanistan. Again. I am flying again which is good.  We spent the first week out here twiddling our thumbs which was ok I suppose.  We got a chance to get acclimated and feel things out. We have since started flying, which is great but the army doesn't know how to use us.  Although I have a feeling that is going to change soon.. I am ok with that too.  I am sick, yay?  Well its just a cold but its annoying to say the least.  Stuffy nose sore throat etc...  
On another note its almost Christmas, yet I don't really feel the holiday spirit.  I want to, I want to be happy and merry.  There are no lights no tree nothing to really remind me that its actually the holiday season.  I have been living vicariously through Facebook and what other people have been posting.  Which has sufficed for now.  I am going to miss family and friends as the next few weeks go by.  I want to be there with them.  Mostly family, they've had a rough go this year.  Between my sisters wreck and my grandma passing its been hard on my folks.  I know me being gone isn't helping any either.  Time is going by pretty fast but its still dragging when I look back at how long I have actually been out here.  I still technically have over 4 months.  Then there is the question of am I going to stay with this job?  Where am I going to go if I don't.  School? Work? What?  I don't know... I like this field of work I just don't think that the company I am with has the crap together enough for this system to last... I hope I am proven wrong.  I have come back three times to virtually the same stuff every time.  Bad planning, poor communication, and a product that just isn't quite there.  I don't have the answers to fix it, but even for me I can see that something needs to be fixed.  Well I will sit here and mouth breathe till my drugs kick in and ponder the next move... 

Bored... Tired.... Frustrated.

Well today is the day after Thanksgiving.  I had a pretty decent day yesterday, all in all.  I watched a movie, hung out and at my sweet MRE, and got to video chat with Gretchen.  I think it turned out well.  I am very bored though.  We aren't flying and the likely hood that we are going to anytime before we leave is pretty much none.  So on that note the frustration of why I came back to this place is compounding.  Sure I am getting paid to sit on my ass and do nothing, but I would much rather be home doing nothing than sitting here.  I can say that I truly despise this country.  I can say that I am starting to despise my job, apparently I am a glutton for punishment.  I have now worked with this particular system/company three times all with virtually the same feeling of utter disdain.  I came back this time because a friend asked me to, he said things had changed, that the product we have was better, that the people in the office were less retarded.  I know he didn't mean to lie to me, but he did.  Nothing has changed.  Yes it's a new system, yes it does work great when it works.  Key word there "WHEN"  Since I have gotten back with them all I have heard about is how the system keeps failing.  Then I get here and see it for myself.  What also amazes me is the fact that there are literally two parts of the office.  The people that use the plane and the people that can't understand why it is that something could possibly be wrong with their product.  These two sides rarely talk to each other.  Which I am no business guru but I am pretty sure that in a productive business the people that actually use the damn product should have their two cents put in, and I know they do from time to time, but it's not enough.  I have a sneaking suspicion that I am going to be looking for a new job sooner than later.  I hate looking for work, but I really think that I need to start looking for something more stable less contracting and that keeps me home.  I had a pretty tough time leaving this time, I don't know why.  Maybe it was because I knew I was going to miss the holidays, maybe its because I have someone that I didn't want to leave.  I don't know but I do know that I am fed up with this BS.  I am tired of having my name attached to a product that has so much potential but fails on so many levels.  I don't get it, I know stuff fails, but seriously it should not be failing at the rate it does.  I don't have the answers, but then again its not my job to come up with the answers.  So on that note this will conclude my rant.  I am going to go find something to do, what, I don't know but I have to get out of this room.  And just for giggles I am going to attach a pic from the sunrise I saw this morning.