So while I was walking back from the shower this evening I had a moment of clarity and peace. Its a strange feeling to have when you are in a war zone. It was almost a nice spring night here, the wind was blowing through the trees of a name I do not know. That was the only noise I heard aside from my footsteps. When I realized I didn't hear any helicopters, trucks, people, birds etc.. and all I heard was that it was soothing, relaxing, peaceful. Then my exact next thought was oh shit what was going to happen... luckily nothing did. Sadly I couldn't just enjoy that moment, call it training, PTSD what ever you want to say. Any time I have been in a situation where I had a moment of calm it was usually followed up by a few moments of sheer and utter chaos. I then started thinking back on all the stuff I had been through in the military, while to some may not seem much, but to others is a world away. Most people have no concept of what goes on here, they now there are bad guys and we fight them. They know that troops do dumb things that get plastered all over the news. They hear about or know people that have been killed over here, but no one really understands what it is like out here. I am just a dirty contractor now, and yet I find myself longing to put that monkey suit on and go on a convoy out of the wire, to go do that hit on the house that we know is full of bad guy building IED's... Sadly and to the joy of many back home I cannot. I can't help it, I loved what I did, I just didn't like who was in charge. They let me and my fellow soldiers down one to many times. They continue to get worse too. I occasionally talk to the soldiers out here. Stuff they tell me they can and can't do now is sickening to here... their hands are so tied in political bullshit that they can't even test fire their weapons. To me that is unsatisfactory, someone in their chain of command has failed them. To let them roll out of the wire with an unknown functional weapon to me is wrong. So on that note I will let you all in on one story of mine. I will change names but the story is true.