Saturday, April 28, 2012

Something Profound and Amazing!

Well hello there... Today... well today was good.  I have been feeling better.. Still not sleeping well but I guess the body is just getting used to it.  I have had a new symptom in my who knows what the hell is wrong with me disease..  I'l start by prefacing that I have had issues with smells, or sounds stuff like that setting off memories or feelings of stuff that has happened to me, but more recently I have had stuff set off things that didn't happen to me.. injuries that weren't mine, things I saw but didn't actually have happen to myself.  Its not painful, but I can taste, smell, and somewhat feel different things.. its only happened a couple times, but been a very strange experience none the less.
I know that I need to get help with the memory, the sleeplessness etc..  I haven't up to this point due to pride and not wanting to admit that I lost.  However, I am seeing that the more I wait the more I actually lose.  My memory is so much worse than it used to be, I will do something and unless it was a super profound event I won't remember it.  This scares me, not remembering that I did stuff or to do stuff...  I can't be having that happen.  Of course the more it happens the more I think about it... which probably leads to it happening more... and the cycle begins.  I will be the first to say life is full of surprises and that in order to succeed you have to do... you can't sit around and expect stuff to change.  You have to act, you have to stay positive, in the moment.  Otherwise you will regress and deteriorate fast, which leads to nothing.  I get discouraged, I have my trials in life, but I always pull through.  Because I do stuff, I get off my ass and drive on.  It pains me to see the younger generations who have this false sense of entitlement.  That everything should be handed to them on a silver platter, the people that are too worried about getting that new cool phone so the "fit in" rather than spending the money on things that are important like rent food etc... I have been guilty of it in the past, and it came and bit me in the ass.  And I just realized that I went on a very strange tangent right there.  Probably because I started writing this last night and finished it today.  So with that I say two more days and I start my process home.  Home to where many more challenges await me.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Surprise!!!! Oh wait no..

So you have really got to be kidding me.  Although I am not surprised one bit but the transgressions that took place tonight... needless to say I am quite not happy.  I was asked to stay longer because apparently the wheel needed to be invented... again.  I guess what gets me is this isn't the first rodeo.. although they managed to fuck it up when the guys ahead of me left.. the had to postpone me leaving.. its like really? have we never heard of backwards planning?  For crying out loud.. I am glad I held off and left a buffer for my personal travel when I got home, because regardless of if they were going to reimburse my tickets.. it would have still thrown a wrench into other peoples plans as well.. Other people don't just get a random 10 days off.. and so by me making plans and then potentially getting them ruined would have sucked..
They gave me a choice to volunteer to stay.. yet they emailed the other people here and basically called me out.  Fucking not happy about that shit.  I can't be a dick and say no, well I could, but I want a good reference.. regardless this has just inspired me to really bear down and find a new job.  The favor to the friend is done.  I can't seem to get a straight answer as to how long I will actually have work for when I get back.. one person tells me til the end of the year another says til mid summer.  Regardless I doubt I will last through either of those dates.  I have CTFO, I just can't believe that this place has gone on as long as it has.... oh well... keep on keepin on I suppose.  On that note I have to be up in 4 1/2 hours.. so I suppose I should try to sleep.  Although blood pressure is still pretty high.. going to be a strong ass coffee day to morrow.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Bloggity Blog Blog Blog....

Yeah so I really have nothing profound or interesting to talk about I don't think.  So I will talk.  I lost my "J" key on my keyboard yesterday and it's pretty much driving me insane.  So I have found my self trying to find other words that don't start with that letter... Its proving to be quite easy I suppose.  I am slowly counting the days til I come back to the states, its coming up pretty fast which is nice.  Granted I still don't know what I will be doing.  I have scheduled dates to go home, go to alabama and going back up to WA again to do a race.  I still need to buy my tickets for the Triathlon, and get a hotel, then I need to get back out there for my buddies wedding at the end of October.  So lots of small trips are planned, although I would like to take a nice trip overseas to somewhere not here.  Somewhere tropical, or that has a lot of history to it.  I have yet to travel through Europe I think that would be fun.  Or go to Australia, or.. well really anywhere and see the world.  I have a passport I may as well use it.  Now to find the employment that will allow me to do that.

The weather here is getting to that point in time where almost every day there are huge thunderstorms that come through and bring with them incredible lightning shows.  I got caught outside yesterday running to the chow hall and pretty much became a human lightning rod.  It was pretty cool.. granted I got soaked right before dinner, but it was still pretty cool to see.  It also likes to tease us with big ole clouds that surround us but none of them ever commit to coming at us.  We are in a pretty big geographical bowl here so things tend to skirt us a lot.  So really I guess what is really on my mind the most is getting home, seeing how things will play out and getting a pizza... I mean I have been craving a good pizza for quite sometime now.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Short Timers in 3....2....1... go..

So I am sitting here today, surfing the interwebs and pretending to work and it dawns on me... I am not motivated right now.  I woke up I was still tired, I usually get up a couple hours before I need to do anything serious, and yet I just couldn't find the motivation to even really put on my shoes.  I mean I did and I went and did my job, but I have definitely fallen into the short timers trap.  I have less than a month left, I have a calendar that I am scratching the days off of.  I have been making travel plans for when I get home.  I have been looking for work yet there doesn't seem to be a lot of positive feed back on that front.  So there are a lot of mixed feelings going on around here.  I know I have work through at least mid June where I am currently, but I also know I don't want to live in Tucson... So that tells me that I need to get shit hot on finding a new job.  Oh well.
On another note I have been having very strange and vivid dreams lately.  Some strange and some not so good... which is strange because even after everything I never really had nightmares.. And for this stuff to pop up 5 years down the road? Well that is just strange, I have had more daytime wandering too.. I don't know why its happening... and its not to the point I am worried yet.  I should probably take some preventative steps though when I get home.  Seeing as I can't get medical care out here for anything and I doubt the VA has any claim out here... Oh well.  Well enough babbling for now.  I am sure I will write more as the days get closer.