Saturday, April 28, 2012

Something Profound and Amazing!

Well hello there... Today... well today was good.  I have been feeling better.. Still not sleeping well but I guess the body is just getting used to it.  I have had a new symptom in my who knows what the hell is wrong with me disease..  I'l start by prefacing that I have had issues with smells, or sounds stuff like that setting off memories or feelings of stuff that has happened to me, but more recently I have had stuff set off things that didn't happen to me.. injuries that weren't mine, things I saw but didn't actually have happen to myself.  Its not painful, but I can taste, smell, and somewhat feel different things.. its only happened a couple times, but been a very strange experience none the less.
I know that I need to get help with the memory, the sleeplessness etc..  I haven't up to this point due to pride and not wanting to admit that I lost.  However, I am seeing that the more I wait the more I actually lose.  My memory is so much worse than it used to be, I will do something and unless it was a super profound event I won't remember it.  This scares me, not remembering that I did stuff or to do stuff...  I can't be having that happen.  Of course the more it happens the more I think about it... which probably leads to it happening more... and the cycle begins.  I will be the first to say life is full of surprises and that in order to succeed you have to do... you can't sit around and expect stuff to change.  You have to act, you have to stay positive, in the moment.  Otherwise you will regress and deteriorate fast, which leads to nothing.  I get discouraged, I have my trials in life, but I always pull through.  Because I do stuff, I get off my ass and drive on.  It pains me to see the younger generations who have this false sense of entitlement.  That everything should be handed to them on a silver platter, the people that are too worried about getting that new cool phone so the "fit in" rather than spending the money on things that are important like rent food etc... I have been guilty of it in the past, and it came and bit me in the ass.  And I just realized that I went on a very strange tangent right there.  Probably because I started writing this last night and finished it today.  So with that I say two more days and I start my process home.  Home to where many more challenges await me.

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